My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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