I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize