My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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