I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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