Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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