I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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