Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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