Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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