And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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