Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
