Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
