wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't turn off my feet"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
