Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
