you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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