He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
