Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
