whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
