I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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