My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
