Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
