dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
