I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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