How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
