Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
