I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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