Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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