Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it glows. i had to have it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
