what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
