So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
