i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
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She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.