I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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