I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.