Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
