I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up