did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
kristin has been a bad kristin
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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