she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.