Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm pants shitting drunk right now

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  (734): I'm pants shitting drunk right now http://tfl.nu/z85l
  Replies (4) Good night (964) Bad night (936)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.

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  (201): Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else. http://tfl.nu/yjnf
  Replies (2) Good night (604) Bad night (1080)
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  (559): View more from California

  I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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  (559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602
  Replies (5) Good night (2868) Bad night (508)
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  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
  Replies (11) Good night (1049) Bad night (2767)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.

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  (919): um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign. (1-919): hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred. (919): my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted. http://tfl.nu/05eg
  Replies (15) Good night (791) Bad night (2900)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award

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  (914): We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream. (1-914): Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award http://tfl.nu/nl5u
  Replies (7) Good night (4441) Bad night (478)
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  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6558) Bad night (993)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

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  (914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1463) Bad night (3586)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.

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  (617): now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon. http://tfl.nu/epth
  Replies (14) Good night (3134) Bad night (2043)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
  Replies (22) Good night (1540) Bad night (5461)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.

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  (+44): The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself. http://tfl.nu/y3oz
  Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (2121)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.

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  (+44): Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk. http://tfl.nu/h6fl
  Replies (13) Good night (3266) Bad night (1023)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them

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  (208): spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them http://tfl.nu/7dwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1000) Bad night (656)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.

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  (770): I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/mg7r
  Replies (4) Good night (465) Bad night (725)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.

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  (862): This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom. http://tfl.nu/h7oi
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (449)

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