She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
