She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
