Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
