Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
