yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
