Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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