First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
