if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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