I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
