I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
