There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
