Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (4016) Bad night (546)
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  (818): View more from California

  Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.

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  (818): Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire. http://tfl.nu/r0t1
  Replies (39) Good night (838) Bad night (3081)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (986) Bad night (6685)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

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  (201): My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question? http://tfl.nu/fkcd
  Replies (76) Good night (996) Bad night (11511)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

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  (801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e
  Replies (20) Good night (7183) Bad night (830)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

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  (360): super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again http://tfl.nu/5apw
  Replies (37) Good night (1766) Bad night (5234)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

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  (703): He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job http://tfl.nu/934s
  Replies (14) Good night (1624) Bad night (7200)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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  (937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9
  Replies (16) Good night (4878) Bad night (913)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?

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  (410): How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad? http://tfl.nu/jjfi
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (1610)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made

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  (302): A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made http://tfl.nu/dho0
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (594)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.

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  (416): Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life. http://tfl.nu/bd2a
  Replies (1) Good night (980) Bad night (417)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?

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  (207): Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park? http://tfl.nu/iybx
  Replies (9) Good night (1248) Bad night (746)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  Yes I do

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  (713): Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize? (1-713): Yes I do http://tfl.nu/5hh2
  Replies (3) Good night (713) Bad night (291)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.

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  (443): Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week. (410): Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you. http://tfl.nu/4f2r
  Replies (0) Good night (323) Bad night (175)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.

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  (585): I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits. http://tfl.nu/c0pb
  Replies (8) Good night (354) Bad night (636)

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