Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Randomize
