Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.