I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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