Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
