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The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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