K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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