ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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