Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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