school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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