Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
