Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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