She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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