I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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