We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
