How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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