Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
