im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
