Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
