i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
