The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
