Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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