I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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