she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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