During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't think brook has ever known best
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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