my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
