So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
