Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
