I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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