Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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