so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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