is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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