i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize