Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
