3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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