You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
