So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You pole danced in your parka.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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