Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
