i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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