THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
