Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
